Other People's Relationships

I live with my 63 year old dad and his Thai girlfriend who speaks almost zero English. He has said, in an email, that he loves her. It disheartens me, because you can't have a conversation with the girl and she would have a lot to say if you could. Relationships need communication above all else. More than good sex, more than respect, more than common interests, communication with your partner is key. The broken English sentences they share depress me, not only because I am obsessed with proper grammar, but because he thinks it suits him just fine. It makes sense, because he's always been someone who talks eighty percent more than he listens, and this way he doesn't have to listen female chatter. He's not nearly affectionate enough for what she needs though. She's lonely in America, spending most of her time on the internet with her 9 year old boy, and friends in Thailand. I'm not a relationship expert, but I wish I was. The number of books I've read on relationships, marriage, dating, human psychology, and the differences between men and women outnumber the days I've eaten based on the food pyramid. As an actor, I can come across as a ladies man if you don't know that my entire relationship history has consisted of three girls. My online friends, intelligent people, take my relationship advice. Because I have no life of my own, I've learned to live vicariously through the stories of others. Books, movies, and the happenings of people I know interest me. Consequently, my advice is always fun to hear because it's always in favor of taking action. My own selfish motive plays a role when I recommend acting stupid so that I can have a story to listen to later on. For example, although I would never cheat on anyone personally, I have recommended to my friend that since she's seriously considering cheating before her marriage goes through, it means she should. I played the devil on the shoulder. But, not a complete asshole, I accompanied it with qualifiers. For example, how serious are you really considering it? She was worried that a lack of male partners would bother her later on in life, and since she didn't want to be someone who cheated in a marriage, if the dirty deed was ever to be done, it was now rather than later. I ask simple questions: are you more likely to regret allowing yourself another sexual encounter or the fact that you never took the chance? Would the man that you intend to spend the rest of your life with understand your point of view if you told him about it? Are you fantasizing about cheating more from a fear of commitment, a real need, or lust? Would doing this leave you feeling guilty knowing it was done to help you feel better? My main advice was to talk it over with him so that she wasn't suffering alone, even though he would hurt hearing it, because feelings shouldn't be kept inside, and a marriage shouldn't start out with secrets. But, ready to hear an interesting story, I wasn't afraid to suggest the taboo course of action. You only live once. When faced between inaction and action, action is generally the better choice. It leads to more interesting stories, the feeling of living, and if it leads to guilt, well then you just need a new way of thinking about it, because why would an otherwise good person be in a place to consider immoral actions if something deeper weren't at the root of the problem? Rather than let it fester, actions should be taken to stir things up. I doubt Hitler felt guilty about the things he did. She later said the email I sent her was exactly what she needed to hear. She took my advice and gave a long tearful talk to her fiance about how she had thoughts of fucking another man. He told her that when he went away for the weekend, she had his honest permission to get whatever she needed out of her system for the strength of their future relationship, because her happiness in their future was the most important. So, although she had the go-ahead, she decided she couldn't go through with it, and spent the weekend thinking about how reassuring her boyfriend's response had been. It's fun to have that influence on someone's life--to be in a place where she talks to you before she talks to her husband about her deepest fears--and to get a wedding invitation to a pen-pal you've never met in person. But, like I said, I can get people to open up to me. It's how I get by. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes that I have learned by heart:

"I think it is certainly better to be impetuous than cautious, for fortune is a woman, and it is necessary, if she is to be mastered, to take her by force; and, it can be seen that she lets herself be overcome by the bold rather than by those who proceed coldly."--from Machiavelli's The Prince.